Old habits are hard to break, especially if you like them and don’t particularly feel like giving them up. I know I was like that when I first started to lose weight. My big one was the ‘treat’ dinner I gave myself when husband was on night shift, and I would order a pizza, garlic bread, dessert and diet coke. and because it was secret it had to all be gone by morning and outside in the bin under stuff so he didn’t know. It actually took us leaving that town (not as a result of what I was eating, mind you!!) and little access to that kind of food for me to break that habit, even though by then I had lost 20 kilos and was still going. The pizza was a big habit for me to break, and then another big habit was the binge eating on anything when I was alone, which I have only just recently overcome.
Part of me studying nutrition at uni was so I would hopefully become more motivated to lose the last part of this weight that has just not seemed to want to go anywhere fast. I unfortunately did not predict the hours sitting on my bum watching lectures and writing notes that I would have to do, hours not spent on my cross trainer. So despite all my good intentions, my thoughts as I drift off to sleep of ‘tomorrow will be the day, going to smash out 700 calories in that huge workout I do tomorrow’, I just never seem to get there. Which I can say honestly, disappoints me. I know we are all suppose to be all ‘girl power, love yourself, everything you do is awesome’ but it doesn’t always work out like that. There are things that you are going to feel a bit crap about. And mine is the stuff I put first because its more important than spending an hour and a half listening to music and having a nice time by myself as I run off 600 calories on my cross trainer. My family comes first. My uni degree comes first. My friends come first. And when someone says “Oh, but you have to put yourself first, to better look after your family”, or “You need me time and break”, I feel especially bad, it doesn’t help. Because unfortunately there will never be a time in my mind where I go “yes, those dishes don’t need cleaning, my bubba doesn’t need playing with, or those assignments and lectures don’t need doing, I’m going to go and be by myself and stuff everyone, cause I need my me time.” It just seems so selfish, and I find it almost impossible to do.
I’m not sure if it counts as a habit or a belief really, but I would sure like to tap into the part of me somewhere that says yes, its ok to do a workout, those other things can wait. I don’t know where that part of me is, but if you see it, tell it I said hello. As I said, I do feel a bit crap about it, not the part where I put lots of other things first, but I guess that I don’t see it as important enough to add to the list. I need to change that.
So another habit I’m slowly getting rid of is the one where I eat because I’m tired. Because bubba is 3, we eat dinner at 5.30. so by 9pm when I’m taking a hundred notes and watching lectures, and know Ill be at it until at least 11pm, I do get a bit hungry (slash BORED). When I was doing a weight loss program last year I was supposed to have a herbal tea and 2 squares of chocolate a night for dessert. So I would have this at 9pm, and it became a ritual that said to my brain “Once you have had this, that is it. No more food, kitchen is closed.” And it worked. I would have my green tea, my 2 little squares of dark mint chocolate, and I would be happy and not go looking or food afterwards. When I discontinued that program I discontinued my little ritual as well, shame, cause it was a great one. So I have started another one, this is the third night, and its been very nice 🙂
4 strawberries, 1 raw cacao truffle, a few walnuts, and a peppermint tea. Cant go wrong with that 😀
Other foods Ive had today:
Lemon water and a blueberry, raspberry, coconut water and oat milk smoothie,
Vegetable korma for lunch with 2 papadums (I know I said I was juicing, but I didn’t make this, it was just sitting there, and it said to eat it!!!!)
My small oat milk decaf cappuccino, see, there is a habit I was sad to let go of, but I’ve got it down to this, the only coffee I have in a day, so much smaller than my old one!!!
So thats all Ive got to say today I guess, back to another half hour of a lecture, and it will be oil swishing time and off to bed.